I’ve had a few conversations lately with my closest mommy friends about this
notion of 100% Feingold. What it means
to the Feingold community, versus what it means to me. I recognize that there are many people within
the Feingold community, and all arriving there for a wide variety of
issues. Some with children on the
autism spectrum, some with children on ADHD medications, some with behavioral
problems, really the list is never ending.
I’m consider myself fortunate, because A) we identified this issue while
she was still very young, and B) as compared to other families experiences,
ours doesn’t seem as extreme. This is
hard to imagine, because I consider our breaking point day, to have been pretty
bad. I guess the reason this is
important to understand is, the impact of the diet, and the symptoms it helps
controls, certainly impacts how strict you feel like you need to be. So returning to the idea of 100% Feingold.
Realizing that I am less than a year into the diet, I consider myself 100%
Feingold, and then, yet, I suppose as compared to other families, I am a world
away. I try my hardest to be exclusively
Feingold within our home. Although
daycare entirely providers food and snacks, I pack and send in my own. When we attend Birthday Parties, I bring her
own food and treats, and substitution items for the goody bags. We avoid eating outside of the home. When we go to family or holiday parties, I
pack food and snacks for her. I changed
most of her soaps, lotions, and our laundry and dish detergents. I’m sure there have been some places that I
have slipped up, and as I go it will be easier.
But when I talk about other people’s dedication to 100% Feingold, they go
above, and beyond what I’ve just mentioned.
They do things like send in their own hand soap for their children to
use. They ask friends/family to avoid
fragrances at parties which they will attend.
The short version, is they try to control every aspect of everything
that can come in contact with their child.
And I came head to head with this, and this attitude as I explored my options
this weekend. Ellie was headed to my
parents for an overnight stay. My
parents support has been limitless and unconditional. I have shared approved brands with them, and
they have purchased safe toothpaste, and I send boxes of safe snacks. We menu plan together before the weekend, and
discuss approved brands and how to make it easy for everyone involved. But there was one special tradition/treat
that I couldn’t figure out how to salvage.
They always took a trip to Starbucks.
Now clearly, that is less of a treat to my parents, and more about their
daily caffeine acquisition, but to Ellie, it’s special. Until Starbucks changed their milk supplier,
they had actually been carrying an approved chocolate milk box. It had been perfect. And, now, they don’t. Feingold has a large community, that is very
supportive, and so I reached out to this community to find out if anyone had
any experience with something from Starbucks that didn’t cause major setbacks
in their child. The short answer was
no. And the long answer, included some
suggestions about teaching my daughter that a ‘treat’ meant spending money was
wrong. And this persons solution was to
just simply, not go.
Well obviously, this was the simple answer.
But I hadn’t been looking for the simple answer, and frankly, the more I
thought about it the more frustrated I became.
Because while anyone who has spoken to me personally can tell you, I
believe in this program with 100% of my heart.
I want the food industries to change, so that all children can benefit
from not having these chemicals pumped into them incessantly. But until that time, I don’t understand how
you can be 100% Feingold, 100% of the time, without any failures, and without any
accepted failure. Your child will leave
your home. You can be a stay at home
mom, but you might want to have a play date.
What about school? You can home
school, but even then, you will leave your home eventually. We cannot be hermits and live our life
entirely removed from society. Entire
populations of people have been trying to figure out how to deal with juggling
the advancements of technology/society with what they fundamentally and
entirely believe in.
I want to be 100% Feingold, 100% of the time.
But I can’t control everything in this world. And as is such I feel like I have to be
realistic. I have to understand how
these chemicals impact my daughter, but even more, she needs to understand
it. She needs to have enough exposure
with the real world at large, that as she grows up, and leaves my protective
wing, she can make her own choices. Not
just because I said so, but because she too believes in what we are doing, as
the result of her own observations in her own behavior. I want to teach her how to go out into the
world, and make the best choices possible, and know what safe alternatives that
she can try. I don’t want to teach her
to be scared of what the world has to offer.
We had a rough week last week. And not
until Wednesday evening, did Ellie confess that she had consumed a portion of a
snack not provided from home. I hadn’t
guided her to this conclusion, I didn’t suggest it, I simply asked her what had
been going on, and did she have any ideas as to why she was so out of
control. And just like that, names,
people, times, places. Who, what, where,
when, and why. It all made sense, to all
of us. Among other things it was an
affirmation of the importance of what I was doing. It was a reminder, that something that seems
like it shouldn’t make ‘that’ big a difference, does. And it was an eye opener, that even she, with
only 4.5 years behind her, and only 8 months on the program, understood what
was causing her behavior. I was
proud. I was proud that she admitted to
it, I was proud that she identified it, and I can only imagine where we will be
in another 6 months. You can’t be 100%
Feingold, 100% of the time. Because it’s
unrealistic. I can only believe in it
100%, 100% of the time. And make the
best choices I can, and understand the cause, and effect, and know that I’m
doing the best I can.
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