1 week later

I last wrote a week ago.  You may have wondered where I went.  Or what happened.  I'll tell you.  It all fell apart.  As easily as the switch had been flipped, it had returned to it's originating position.  And as any good parents do, as we struggled to cope with the stress that comes with my daughter being out of control, we deteriorated into taking it out on one another.  If that's now how YOU would cope with it.  Just keep it to yourself.  I'm just being honest.

We'd been keeping a food diary and focusing purely on food dyes, there had been no slip ups.  So what was the source?  Daily her care giver felt like she was all over the place.  Not acting like herself.  So where did we go from here?

I have twice now mentioned a program called:  The Feingold Program.  Like everything else, there may be some nay Sayers.  And that's ok.  But as with everything else, I'm not looking for commentary, I'm looking to tell my story.  So keep it to yourself.

The premise of the Feingold Program is fascinating, and it's NOT new age.

"Hyperactivity can be triggered by synthetic additives - specifically synthetic colors, synthetic flavors and the preservatives BHA, BHT (and later TBHQ) - and also a group of foods containing a natural salicylate radical. This is an immunological - not an allergic - response."

I have spent the past two weeks talking to family members, discussing the behavior, discussing the solutions, things we've tried, things we could try, things we could do.  And although I knew I wanted to try the Feingold program, I just wasn't sure if I could get on board with a group of foods containing a natural salicylate radical.  Sounds simple enough to avoid, until you read the list of what's included in this category.  Berries, peaches, tomatoes, fresh pineapple, apples, cucumbers.  Those are just a few, there is more.  But the idea of following this started, and pretty much ended with the idea of removing those things from my daughters diet.  Not necessarily because I didn't need/want to.  But because it seemed cruel to remove those things from her diet, as an experiment during the period which they are actually fresh, local, and ripe.  Especially if I would then only learn that they hadn't needed to be removed at all.  All of last week I vowed I would start the Feingold program when the materials arrived, less the natural salicylate component.

And then Friday night we didn't eat dinner ourselves until 10 PM.  Because it had taken 2.5 hours to get her to sleep.  There had been screaming, and yelling, slamming of doors, objects thrown, and otherwise just a completely out of control child again.

Desperation setting in again, I felt we had to consider the possibility, that she was reacting to something natural.  Something else that had changed two weeks ago, was increasing the amount of fresh fruits/vegetables in her diet.  I laughed to my mother, saying that the worst I fed her, the better she behaved.  And looking back over the food journal, the days she didn't eat many fruits/veggies, she had been behaving better, than the days where she had eaten them.

Why would you even bother to give an apple a second look when your child is bouncing off of the walls uncontrollably?  They are healthy.

The more I read, the more overwhelming the prospect became.  Not only did I have to at least briefly contemplate a life without tomato products (we're Italian), but the room for variation is endless.  There is a list of about 12 natural salicylate products, you may react to all 12, you may react to only 1.  There is absolutely no way to predetermine which ones, or how many except experimenting.  As if this doesn't seem overwhelming enough, how about this tidbit, where they are grown, and the variety they are, can impact the contact and thus the reaction.  Even how you cook them, or if they retain their skins...  all of these aspects could influence the salicylate content.

So I shopped this weekend.  I used my Feingold shopping list, approved items that will not contain any of the forbidden ingredients, as if it were a Bible.  And Saturday, noon, we moved forward.  Frankly the entire situation is anxiety inducing.  What did she eat?  What if she ate something while our backs were turned that is on the "wrong" list?  As I said to my husband tonight while we figured out what to have for dinner, what do you want more?  Our daughter back to her natural self, or this box of unapproved rice?

It's a challenge.  It's not easy.  It's scary.  It's overwhelming.

Which incidences are my daughter out of control, or the beginning of a regression.  And which are just normal reactions for her age.  Even when a child is at their best, they will still have days that aren't perfect.

We've found "an app for that".  A food diary that allows us to also track symptoms.  We've modified it for our purposes, and the symptoms now include:

Aggressive/violent
Crying for no reason
Overly Hyper
Won't sit through dinner
Doesn't eat dinner
Won't go to bed
Using age appropriate vocabulary

Every day we track what she eats, and monitor how she behaves.  We walk on eggshells and hold our breath.  We literally flipped a switch.  If we did it once.  We can certainly do it again.  We just have to figure out the button that we pushed.  There has to be an answer, because our family can't go on like this.