Your Defining Moment

Can you pinpoint your defining moment?  I think a lot of people have this idea of what their defining moment will look like.  Or what it looked like.  But I think we all have one.  A moment that somehow changes the paths of our lives, permanently.  This defining moment can be good, it can be bad.  It can improve your life for the better, or even it could define your life for bad.  But it puts it's mark on you, and you can never look back.

I know my defining moment.  And I remember it clear as day.  My daughter was in daycare, and I had returned to work.  I had already begun to make her baby food, and I casually and excitedly informed her teacher that we were looking forward to the opening of the local farmers market in a couple of weeks.  And her teacher responded: You should check out this farmers market, my husband sells what he grows there.

Doesn't sound life altering...  does it?  It was.  This simple give and take.  This simple conversation between two people permanently changed my life.  I suppose it's something like, nature vs nurture.  And while I believe we can be predisposed to something, I find that the people around you make a far greater impact than our society grants credit towards.

This simple act, of asking me to attend a different farmers market, altered my families path for ever.  It introduced me to a much smaller market, with people who grew to know my family, who talked to me weekly.  It introduced me to people who owned farms, and had not only produce, but who could get me access to bulk locally raised beef and pork.  It changed where I got my eggs, and it opened me up to conversations about milk. It in other ways made me far more hyper aware of my food and my surroundings.

I am grateful for those people in my life.  Who have opened my eyes to a world I was fully prepared to go down, but a road that I may not have traveled without those around me.  This moment in my life, I am sure, prepared me for our family's current journey.  I already have the resources at hand to fulfill my daughters dietary needs.  I have a full network of people who not only support me, my family, my daughter, my diet, but believe in it.  Not simply because of my expanding knowledge and because of sharing this information, but because they were already firm believers that the less processing is better us.

What's your defining moment?  Are you proud of it? As long as we are still on this great earth, there is still time to have the ah ha moment, and make changes if you are not.

Have we Redefined Normal?

Prior to Sunday, June 30th, 2013, if you had asked me if my child had major behavioral issues, I would have flat out told you no.  I would have said I had a strong willed red headed Italian.  In fact, I used to joke that I had the trifecta of toddler hood, a toddler, a redhead, and an Italian.  I had fleeting moments where I just looked at her and felt like there was something that just wasn't right.  But I brushed it off, I had many other mommy friends and had seen similar challenging behavior.  I had confided in other parents, and found similar experiences.  As far as my eye could see, she was normal as compared to her peers.

But on Sunday, June 30th, of 2013, I didn't CARE what was 'normal'.  I said: "NO MORE!"

I've had a number of parents tell me 3 is SOOOOOO much worse than 2.  And I would have agreed completely.  But did you ever ask yourself why?  Well I've come to a conclusion, it isn't.  It only seems like it's the new 2.  Because it IS worse than 3.  But the age 2, hasn't changed much over the generations.  So what has changed?  In my humble opinion, in a two words, our food.  Children don't eat very much food their first year, and even into their second year.  As a parent I think you are hyper actively aware of what your child is consuming.  Carefully introducing things.  Worrying if it's enough vegetables, not enough protein, too much sugar.  But as they approach and pass 3, you start to relax.  You begin to accept that you can't control everything, and that the occasional snack or treat isn't the end all, be all.  You make the best choices that you can, and then hope for the best.

But it's that shift, that shift at age 3, that begins the behavioral degradation.  It's the food that makes 3 so much worse than 2.  And by 4, several things happen, they begin to mature, and the behavior shifts a bit, you get numb to it, or they just get a bit better at controlling themselves.

But what if this social acceptance of age appropriate behavior is not accurate at all.  What if our parents, and their parents who are walking around saying:  "I just don't understand, I wasn't like this as a child, you weren't like this as a child, we wouldn't tolerate this from children."  What if they are right.  What if we have redefined normal.  I could make a list a mile long of the individual acceptances that we should work on as a society, but behavior changes as a result of additives being unknowingly introduced to our bodies, is NOT one of them.

Take a look around at the "they're just being boys", "They're just being kids", and start to dwell more on the "where did this come from? it didn't used to be like this." and the "where is society going wrong, we didn't have these issues 50 years ago."  There are many things that people are very quick to blame.  But it seems like as a society we are accepting of the deception that is being placed on the foods going into our mouths.  I'm not against treats, I'm not against, candy, I'm not against the conveniences of today, or needing shortcuts in our fast passed society.  I am against things that are changing my childs behavior so drastically that if seen by a doctor she would be diagnosed with ADD or ADHD and put on medication.  And even worse, I am against a society we live in that if you care enough to read your labels, you STILL can't be sure of what you're putting into your child.

So is it normal?  Is this redefinition good?  I don't think so, and I don't think it's normal.  And I think accepting it as such is doing not only our children but the future of our children's children a major disservice.

Best Daycare Ever

  

I have the best daycare ever.  No, seriously.  I do.  Managing what my daughter consumes while we are together is generally easy.  I control what comes into the house, and I am the only person who has to deal with any meltdowns over not allowing inappropriate items.  Figuring out how to manage her diet when she is outside of our home, is I’m sure where every parent begins to worry.  I am a full time working outside of the home mom.  I also have another child, 8 months old.  Effective the beginning of August, both my children are in daycare 5 days a week, from about 6:45 AM until between 4:45 and 5:45 PM.  They are in the exclusive care of someone else, for the majority of their waking hours.  And I absolutely must rely on them to help me in my mission.  

The daycare that we attend provides just about everything you could need.  Food, diapers, wipes, snacks, lunches, pull-ups.  I bring the kid, and for the baby I bring the bottles, and that’s about it.  But since we started down this path, the facility provided food has been a major obstacle.  A) Are they ‘safe’ for my daughter to consume, without regressing to our 2.5 hours bedtimes?  B) I pay good money to have all of these things included in our tuition, for many reasons, but not the least of which is to eliminate something ELSE I have to do when I get home from work in preparation for the next day. 

As we test just how much ‘non approved’ foods she can tolerate, and where I can take advantage of these benefits, and when I need to make alternative arrangements, I’ve been providing a lot of her food.  I’ve sent in approved snacks (that is easy to do once a week).  And on the days where the lunch is particularly questionable, I send in her lunch.  But that is just the daily obstacles.  As any parent with a child knows, that HARD days, are the ‘special’ days.  The day that another child’s parent brings in something for their child’s birthday, for example.  Or like the situation I encountered today, the center does something ‘special’ to celebrate the summer.

Today, at school, they brought in a Kona Ice truck.  What is a Kona Ice Truck?  It’s a traveling Italian Ice truck.  I didn’t know until I googled it myself.  2 months ago I would have been excited for the treat, and thought it a wonderful idea.  This month, I cringe.  A) Artificial colors.  B) Artifical Flavours.  C) Don’t get me started about the sugar.  

So after learning (about a month ago) about this event, I set out on my mission to ‘deal’ with this.  I actually found a company that would provide approved snow cone syrup.  So I shelled out $16+ Shipping so that my daughter could be ‘normal’ with the rest of the kids.  I spent yesterday looking to see if the order had shipped, and then I spent last night panicking because I realized TODAY was the Kona Truck visit.  And since the syrup hadn’t even shipped, there was NO way it would be here for TODAY.  So, in desperation I took an approved pear juice box, and shoved it in her lunch box.  There.  I thought.  She can dump that on her ice.  Satisfied with my diversion, I went to bed.  And this morning, my husband brought the kids to daycare.

Dutifully this morning, I e-mailed the center when I had a moment to let them know my plan.  And to EVERYONE’s HORROR… was faced with the response of:  “She saw it during breakfast, and already drank it.”

Let me stop for a moment and interject.  THIS is not the fault of my daycare.  THIS is the fault of severe miscommunication (apparently) between my husband and myself.  And the poor teacher that opened didn’t even have a chance, since she hadn’t been a) warned it was in there, and b) been told it was for the Kona Ice.

At any rate, with 45 minutes until the Kona Ice truck was to arrive.  I received an e-mail from the director of the center (the names have been changed to protect my angels):

“Carol went garbage digging and Karen is en route to Basil Bandwagon (store).  See what you miss when you leave your desk!”

They were replacing my consumed pear juice box.  I sat at my desk and let a couple tears form in my eyes.  I had always known I had the support of the daycare, but this going above and beyond what I ever imagined to show their support of what I was doing, was just more than I could comprehend emotionally.  So like I said.  I have THE.  BEST.  DAYCARE.  EVER.

And tonight, I can talk to my daughter about the exciting visit from the Kona Truck, and continue to enjoy my daughter, instead of cry because I lost her over an Italian Ice.

To my daycare.  Thank you.  A thousand thank you’s would NEVER be enough to repay what you have just given our family.

The Terrible Three's

I've had this blog post in my head for days now.  And just now have had time to put pen to paper, or finger to keyboard as the case in today's society is.  Have you ever talked to a parent, and been told, or heard them say, three's is so much worse than two's?  I had.  I didn't understand it.  Then my daughter turned three.  And the terrible three's reared their ugly head.  As our family has been sailing along on this journey though, I've been struck, the healthy alter ego my daughter exhibits by eliminating these things, three's isn't so bad.  I know, I know.  She's almost 4.  But I can only imagine what the past year would have been like, had we changed her diet earlier.

And this leads me to the real bulk of my thoughts over the past few days.  What about the other parents who told me about the terrible three's?  Maybe the reason three is the new two, is because now, as our children pass toddlerhood, we loosen our grasp of control, and start to allow them 'treats', more flexibility in food choices, and really, the introduction of 'junk' foods.  Maybe the reason three is, the new two, has nothing to do with a change in humans at all, and really has to do with what is going into our bodies.

Everyone around me has shown absolute unconditional support.  And without this support I am not sure how I would have made it through the past month, or the past few years for that matter.  But I don't want support.  I want change.  Not just for my family, but for the children of America.  Where will our country be in 15 - 30 years, when the children of today are in places of power and leadership.  Is the Ritalin generation of today going to be able to lead our country into the next phase?  Will we have the most powerful leaders of the world?  Will we have scientists, and lawyers, doctors, and politicians, Nobel prize winners, and religious leaders?  Presumably the answer is yes, children of today don't lack dreams.  But what if the society that is raising them today is ignoring the impact on their potential?

If changing what you were putting into your child, would entirely alter the ability they have to achieve their innate awesome abilities, would you sit back and say: "Wow, that's interesting and amazing."  Or would you stand up and shout at the top of your lungs:  "NO MORE!".  In a society where we are involved at sickening degrees with the lives of our socialites, where there is no legal proceeding that is exempt from public opinion and outcry.  How on earth is it possible, that we are silenced with the future of the most important thing in our lives.  Any parent will tell you.  Their children, are their EVERYTHING.

I know my story is interesting, I know my changes are extreme.  I know the conversation is hard.  And food conglomerates are mighty.  I know the length and time and work involved to overcome these things.  But don't just find my story amazing.  Look at your child.  Look at the things you have accepted as normal.  As behavioral intricacies, or personality quirks.  Things you've spent days, weeks, months, years, accepting as who they fundamentally are.  And ask yourself.  What if they weren't?  What if that is NOT who they fundamentally ARE?  What if the foods bought with your hard earned money, are creating these things, NOT your child?  What if these things are the sign of a bigger problem?  What if you changed your child's diet?  What if simply removing entirely inappropriate things, or even things that seem appropriate but are impacting their entire being?  What kind of world would we live in then?  What kind of world could they lead for our grandchildren?

As I become increasingly emotional about the child I realize I never knew, and in love with the child I realize I have, because of no medical change at all, simply removing things that were fighting with her natural abilities, I am heartbroken.  Make no mistake.  It is not for myself, or my daughter, or my family.  Because for us, I am over joyed.  I am heartbroken for all of the other children.  Because the food is still being bought, and made, and served to children.  I am heartbroken for the children who could be the next Nobel Laureate, but may never even have a chance, because their head is so scrambled, and their parents are so accepting.  Let's not accept that this is ok, or normal.  Please, share my story, please look at your own children.  While I believe we should accept who our children are, and absolutely accept their limitations, what I have seen makes me sick to imagine what we are accepting as truth which is really just chemical warfare on our children's bodies.  Find out who our children really are, so they can soar to heights even beyond what we can begin to imagine.

What was it like for her?

Most of my posts have been about my own observations, research, and experiences.  However, there is another person involved in this situation.  My daughter.  She is about 3.75 years old.  And more heartbreaking than realizing how dreaded I had become towards her, has been realizing what it must be like, have been like, to be inside of her, and young enough that you can't articulate the problem.

The first time I began to question what it is like for her, was when she tried to ask for Jelly Beans.  We had a reasonable conversation about why we couldn't have it.  She wasn't out of control over the issue either.  She was handling it pretty well.  Until she tossed herself (not in a fit, more in a careless 3.75 yo way), onto the couch and said:  "They don't make me nervous anymore."  My literal response was: "Did they used to make you nervous?"

Some people speculated that she was repeating things that she had heard my husband and I talk about.  But I assure you, at no point, had we used the word nervous.  From our perspective, nervous she never was, hyper, out of control, anxious, maybe.  But not nervous.

Since then we've crossed paths with bad foods many times, and stolen from another Feingold parent has been the phrase:  "Bad Mood Food".  I felt silly at first.  But it rolls off the tongue better with time, and she seems more accepting when she understand the opposition is not to the food itself, but to the behavior that it elicits.  I now have a growing pantry of foods, and special treats that I will gladly trade for ANY of the bad mood foods.  IE ->  Don't eat that PEACH...  here, have chocolate pudding instead!!!!  Yea, not something I would have EVER told you I would utter a month ago.

But what has left my eyes wide, are not the number of times I've told her a food is bad mood food but the other things I've heard.  Like after her bad reaction to peaches, I overheard her in the kitchen, where she found the bowl of forbidden fruit, and was uttering her own particularly funny comments:  "I love you peaches, peaches mmmm you're sooooo gooooooood".  A 3.75 yo love affair with peaches.  But she didn't eat them.

Or when we show up places with snacks/food in tow and she proudly tells people she has HER food, it's SPECIAL food.

But even more, was when I heard her say:  "I have my own food, it doesn't make me CRAAZZZYYYY *rolling her eyes around in her head*"

And then I had the saddest conversation.  As we passed a Dunkin' Donuts.  Which had long been a treat she and I partook together particularly on Saturday Mornings.  Her favorite, a donut, with pink frosting, and sprinkles.

Daughter: I want a Donut
Me:  No more donuts, they aren't good for us.  They aren't good for Mommy, and they aren't good for you.  They are Bad Mood Foods.
Daughter: No they aren't, they make me HAPPPYYYY *making funny faces of love towards the ceiling of the car*
Me:  You miss donuts?
Daughter:  Yes.
Me:  Maybe some weekend this fall we can talk to Daddy and we can make donuts at home from scratch.  Would you like that?
Daughter:  Yes, and then they wouldn't make me CCRRRAAAZZZYYYYY *rolling her eyes around in her head*  Just happy.  Donuts, mmmm, they would be pink, and they would make me happy.

Tears built up in my eyes.  She's 3.75 years old.  For her to know all of these things, how must it have felt inside of her.

What would you give up?

The end of this week, we will be going at this for a month.  Had you asked me a month ago exactly if I would ever eliminate fresh fruits/veggies from the lives of my children I would have looked at you as though you had 12 heads.  Who in their right mind would eliminate anything fresh, local, and healthy.

A month later, I'm no longer certain it's as simple as I had always believed.

Last Sunday, I threw up our huge Hail Mary.  I figured a Sunday was an appropriate day to do it, since I needed all the strength of the great lord above, to test if our lives would be forever, permanently altered.  We had pasta, with meatballs, and tomato sauce for dinner.

If you haven't been following, this doesn't sound bad.  But if you have been, you know that we're testing our daughter for Salicylate sensativity.  And there are certain fruits/veggies that people with salicylate sensitivity can react to.

So having finally gotten good behavior from our daughter, we gave it a go.  We're Italian.  Living without tomato sauce has been challenging, it's the go to, fall back choice for dinner at all times.

Best news all month.  It resulted in no major regression.  

Feeling as though we were on top of this, this week we decided to try a new salicylate fruit/veggie.  Peaches are ripe, local, and YUMMY right now.  So peaches it is.

To my dismay, after consuming all the wonderful goodness that can only be found in a tasty peachy treat, within hours, my husband and I could WATCH the regression.  My husband is very practical and not easily swayed or mislead, and if it weren't for his firm confidence that what we were seeing was a complete regression in her behavior, and his confidence over the cause...  I wouldn't have believed it myself.  How was it even possible that something so healthy for her, could send her spiraling out of control.

At the end of the day/week, we've learned 2 things, our family can still have tomato sauce, and Ellie has a Gremlin like reaction to Peaches.  

I don't feel like I've wrapped my head around this.  Because, well, peaches are so fantastic!  But it was empowering to be able to look at her and know, it wasn't her.  And that I could help her.  And that even though I can't imagine it, I do know what I would give up.  Just about anything to see my sweet baby girl not be so broken hearted.  Nobody would question giving up milk or peanuts, or soy if it were an allergy to those things.  So now I just have to wrap my head around it.  I just want my sweet girl back.

Who owns your food?

I'll keep it short.

Until 2012 Kraft was owned by the same parent company as Tobacco producer Philip Morris, at one time, Philip Morris was the direct parent to Kraft but changes were made to company structure to try to "separate" them from one another.

Think about that.  How much do you think has changed in a year?

News Article read here.

Enough said.

One Foot in Front of the Other

Eating at home is fairly simple.  My Daughter has a shelf in the fridge, and all of her approved foods are within reach on the kitchen counter.  We make a big deal about it, and she likes that.  But it starts to get complicated when you want to venture out into the world.  

This weekend my daughter will be visiting her Grandma and Grandpa for a weekend sleepover.  What will they feed her?  They are going to keep it simple, but in our generation, processed foods have crept into our lives.  I'm not talking about CONVENIENCE foods, which I think we all agree upon, but everything else.  Like our bread, mayonnaise, olive oil, yogurt, pasta, cheese, honey...  the list goes on and on.  Unless you can claim that you know where it came from, every step of the way, you can't say you know what was involved, or what it was exposed to.

I would say we eat fairly healthy.  We buy local meat, and cook what I would consider, from scratch.  But we don't make our own pasta.  I don't raise my own meat, and even if I did, I wouldn't process it myself.  I don't have the time to make my own yogurt, and cheese.  I could consider making my own bread.  I don't have bees, so honey is out.

They are all processed.

Before you stand tall, and say you don't eat like "that", so "those" things can't be impacting "your" child.  Take a look around, and accept the world we live in.  Chances are, there are more processed foods in your home than you are truly giving thought to.  And the things I have learned are alarming.  The issues don't stop with food dyes.

We have petroleum based preservatives as well.  And don't even get me started on artificial sweeteners.

I read a personal account this past week about just how blatant the permitted inaccuracies are in labeling. Story:  Storyteller's preferred/approved brand of yogurt was unavailable.  Diligently read the labels and found a label that read what we will call "clean".  Got home, and found the strawberry yogurt to be an alarmingly artificially color red/pink.  Called the manufacturer.  Had the manufacturer confirm they add no food dyes to their ingredients.  Asked to confirm there had been nothing added to the strawberries prior to the company receiving them.  Here is where it gets interesting.  The company after some research was then able to confirm, that they were able to confirm there was dye added to the strawberry product prior to them receiving it.

This label, was entirely legal.  Manufacturers are not required to list ingredients added to things they use prior to them receiving them.  In fact, in many cases, chemicals/ingredients used in processing/packaging are also not required to be listed on the label.

So before you presume that your child is naturally high spirited.  Or even OCCASIONALLY naturally this way.  Stop and consider, what are you eating.  And just how confident are YOU that the food is pure.

1 week later

I last wrote a week ago.  You may have wondered where I went.  Or what happened.  I'll tell you.  It all fell apart.  As easily as the switch had been flipped, it had returned to it's originating position.  And as any good parents do, as we struggled to cope with the stress that comes with my daughter being out of control, we deteriorated into taking it out on one another.  If that's now how YOU would cope with it.  Just keep it to yourself.  I'm just being honest.

We'd been keeping a food diary and focusing purely on food dyes, there had been no slip ups.  So what was the source?  Daily her care giver felt like she was all over the place.  Not acting like herself.  So where did we go from here?

I have twice now mentioned a program called:  The Feingold Program.  Like everything else, there may be some nay Sayers.  And that's ok.  But as with everything else, I'm not looking for commentary, I'm looking to tell my story.  So keep it to yourself.

The premise of the Feingold Program is fascinating, and it's NOT new age.

"Hyperactivity can be triggered by synthetic additives - specifically synthetic colors, synthetic flavors and the preservatives BHA, BHT (and later TBHQ) - and also a group of foods containing a natural salicylate radical. This is an immunological - not an allergic - response."

I have spent the past two weeks talking to family members, discussing the behavior, discussing the solutions, things we've tried, things we could try, things we could do.  And although I knew I wanted to try the Feingold program, I just wasn't sure if I could get on board with a group of foods containing a natural salicylate radical.  Sounds simple enough to avoid, until you read the list of what's included in this category.  Berries, peaches, tomatoes, fresh pineapple, apples, cucumbers.  Those are just a few, there is more.  But the idea of following this started, and pretty much ended with the idea of removing those things from my daughters diet.  Not necessarily because I didn't need/want to.  But because it seemed cruel to remove those things from her diet, as an experiment during the period which they are actually fresh, local, and ripe.  Especially if I would then only learn that they hadn't needed to be removed at all.  All of last week I vowed I would start the Feingold program when the materials arrived, less the natural salicylate component.

And then Friday night we didn't eat dinner ourselves until 10 PM.  Because it had taken 2.5 hours to get her to sleep.  There had been screaming, and yelling, slamming of doors, objects thrown, and otherwise just a completely out of control child again.

Desperation setting in again, I felt we had to consider the possibility, that she was reacting to something natural.  Something else that had changed two weeks ago, was increasing the amount of fresh fruits/vegetables in her diet.  I laughed to my mother, saying that the worst I fed her, the better she behaved.  And looking back over the food journal, the days she didn't eat many fruits/veggies, she had been behaving better, than the days where she had eaten them.

Why would you even bother to give an apple a second look when your child is bouncing off of the walls uncontrollably?  They are healthy.

The more I read, the more overwhelming the prospect became.  Not only did I have to at least briefly contemplate a life without tomato products (we're Italian), but the room for variation is endless.  There is a list of about 12 natural salicylate products, you may react to all 12, you may react to only 1.  There is absolutely no way to predetermine which ones, or how many except experimenting.  As if this doesn't seem overwhelming enough, how about this tidbit, where they are grown, and the variety they are, can impact the contact and thus the reaction.  Even how you cook them, or if they retain their skins...  all of these aspects could influence the salicylate content.

So I shopped this weekend.  I used my Feingold shopping list, approved items that will not contain any of the forbidden ingredients, as if it were a Bible.  And Saturday, noon, we moved forward.  Frankly the entire situation is anxiety inducing.  What did she eat?  What if she ate something while our backs were turned that is on the "wrong" list?  As I said to my husband tonight while we figured out what to have for dinner, what do you want more?  Our daughter back to her natural self, or this box of unapproved rice?

It's a challenge.  It's not easy.  It's scary.  It's overwhelming.

Which incidences are my daughter out of control, or the beginning of a regression.  And which are just normal reactions for her age.  Even when a child is at their best, they will still have days that aren't perfect.

We've found "an app for that".  A food diary that allows us to also track symptoms.  We've modified it for our purposes, and the symptoms now include:

Aggressive/violent
Crying for no reason
Overly Hyper
Won't sit through dinner
Doesn't eat dinner
Won't go to bed
Using age appropriate vocabulary

Every day we track what she eats, and monitor how she behaves.  We walk on eggshells and hold our breath.  We literally flipped a switch.  If we did it once.  We can certainly do it again.  We just have to figure out the button that we pushed.  There has to be an answer, because our family can't go on like this.

Which of these things is not like the other

Something has changed.  I don’t think we’ve slipped up with the food dye.  But something has changed.  Bedtime was fine last night, which is still a major accomplishment.  But the past two days have been deteriorating in her behavior with her caregiver.  To my great dismay she is spiraling out of control… in ways that previously had been saved primarily for when we were at home, but now behavior is being exhibited everywhere.

5 days ago I signed up to join the Feingold Program.  But with the holiday, and the weekend, it may be a while before we get our materials.  I’m anxious.  I don’t want to wait, especially since she seems to be backsliding.  Where am I going wrong you say?  How can I know food is impacting her so much, and not “just” fix it?

DO YOU make these from scratch???

A) Milk
B) Bread
C) Yogurt
D) Cheese
E) Lunchmeat

I suspect if Feingold is our answer, the problem lies in these products.  Products that seem benign, but when manufacturers make them and hope to increase the profit margin, increase the length of time it can sit on the shelf and lengthen the time it can withstand traveling from being made to it’s destination, something has to give.  And I suspect there is something that has been added, that is impacting my daughter.

Can YOU make these things?  With the exception of lunch meat, I think you could argue I could.  But Frankly, A) we have no cow, and raw milk is not legal for purchase in NJ, B) I work full time, store bought bread is frankly a luxury at the rate my family consumes it, C) Again, I work full time, same issue with making my own yogurt, D) CAN you make your own cheese?  I mean, it’s made someplace.  I suppose if I’m buying cow and putting on my farmers apron I might as well consider waiting an extended period of time for homemade cheese E) Oh come on!!!  REALLY!?!?!?  I’m done.

The tracking number suggests that my package MAY arrive by Thursday.  THURSDAY!?!?!?!??!  *sigh*  Let’s hope we don’t get any worse off between now and then.  If nothing, I will attempt to streamline her back to things that are made of REAL ingredients.  Ingredients I can identify.  Ingredients that I can pronounce.  And wait until my materials arrive and tell me what brands shouldn’t turn my little one into a hellish imitation of herself.

My daughter was in bed, asleep, at 8:15 last night.  I feel like this is what other people’s bedtimes are like.  It feels like there are two types of parents/families, those that are struggling with these similar issues, and those, that do not.  Those that do NOT, don’t get it.  Those that DO, think it’s normal.  But imagine if all these extremes were controllable with natural adjustments to lifestyle. 

In retrospect I do know how I came down this path.  A friend from elementary school posted on Facebook that her daughter couldn’t tolerate Red Dye #40.  At the time, I asked questions about it.  I thought maybe we had a similar issue.  But at the time her behavior wasn’t so extreme or consistent that I could ever be sure it was really a problem.  But last week, when I started searching out of pure desperation, I began there.  And without a doubt, it has been impacting our family.  I am not 100% confident that it is the sole perpetrator of havoc on my life, but it certainly is a major compenent.

So who is responsible for this?  As a society we are quick to jump up and point a finger at the big corporations.  As with anything, it’s easy to find SOMEONE to blame.  It’s far harder, to stand up and take responsibility.  It’s almost childlike.  Children always “blame” something, it was an accident, my brother did it, it wasn’t my fault.  We don’t want the behavior in our children, and yet as a society we exercise the same behavior when identifying who is to “blame” for the way things are in our society. 

How about this.  Did you ever take Economics?  We live in a market driven society, we don’t WANT government to run our businesses.  As is such, there is this thing, (maybe you didn’t take economics), it’s called Supply, and Demand.  If we demand it, they will supply it.  If we don’t demand it, they won’t supply it.  You see, we want every orange to be perfectly orange.  We want it to be easier to convince our children to brush their teeth.  We want everything to be visually appealing and bright colors.  Maybe we DON’T want the additives or artificial ingredients, but we send mixed signals, because we still BUY them.  If we BUY them, they will MAKE them, and they WILL SELL them.  Go back to the beginning of that sentence, if we BUY them.  That’s where it stops.  If we DIDN’T buy them, and there was no money made on the production of these unhealthy things, then the companies wouldn’t make them.  Period.  It’s easy to blame them.  But we have to take responsibility for our role in it.  Because we are market driven.  If there is no market for them, they will not exist. 

I don’t really think ANYONE wants to put these things into their children.  There are 3 kinds of people (as I am convinced) those who are aware, those who are unaware, and those who just don’t care.  So I hope that I can help reach those who are unaware, and at least get them to pick a side.  We have to understand that the future of our society isn’t in the hands of the major corporations.  It’s in our hands.  It’s under our control.  And if we take our $1 and use it wisely, the corporations will follow it.  Because they want it.

PS ->  Check your kids vitamins!

I'm sorry but I'd rather NOT "Taste the rainbow"

Our journey continues.  In the weeks preceding this past week, Ellie had been finally falling asleep from pure exhaustion between the hours of 9 - 11.  Just to help you understand how bad this is, our bedtime routine starts at about 7 PM.  4 hours worth of bedtime battle.  One night, sinking so low, as to find a flashlight and continuously come downstairs, IN THE DARK, where we were sleeping, to shine the light on her father and yell:  "MY DADDDDDYYYYY".  Last night, although bedtime was not as speedy as the first night, she was in the asleep zone, by 8:15, and passed out by 8:30.  My husband and I didn't even know what to do with ourselves.  We shared a small pie purchased at the farmers market, and watched TV.  Shows WE actually wanted to watch.  Well that's not entirely true, there really wasn't anything good to watch.  But that's an entirely different issue which I will let someone else discuss.

Do you know how these artificial food dyes?  They are created from petroleum.  Yes the same thing that powers our cars.  Well not the EXACT same thing.  But you catch my drift.  What do YOU do when your child is near/around gasoline?  I know I say things like:  "Honey, that is very dangerous please don't go near that".  But, PS, here, go brush your teeth with this BLUE toothpaste that is made from the same stuff.  The same stuff that entire organizations are trying to reduce/eliminate our dependency on, seems to be outside of the realm of discussion even though in it's base form, it all starts in the same place.

How is this even possible?????

I continue to be impressed with the changes that I see in my daughter.  As I can only keep saying, she's cleared, less foggy, more articulate.  I am eager to have her daily caregiver return tomorrow, and dying (har har har) to see if she notices the same subtle, and not so subtle differences.

Please note that my daughter is 3 and a half.  I have no misconceptions as to how 3.5 yos behave.  She will still stumble, and exhibit poor behavior, it is well within reason.  But the expanding behavior has been well outside of normal.  And how about this for a thought.  Is it really normal?  Or is the new normal because TONS of children are reacting in different levels to the same things.  In my reading I've read that children respond differently to the same dye.  So in one child it could cause asthma, in another eczema, and yet others, hyperactivity and I'm sure the hyperactivity is to varying degrees.

I've heard stories about how parents become activists for various things because of the impact on their children.  And while I think it is fairly safe to say that not all children have a milk allergy, and not all children have a strawberry allergy.  Are we really so certain that all of our children are not being impacted in one way or another, to varying degrees to the artificial things we are placing in their bodies with the absolute best of intentions.

Have you ever had conversations with people about "what's wrong with kids today", and "I never behaved that way, I would have been scared to", or "I was scared of my parents and respected their authority".  I would have had these very conversations with you not even a month ago.  While at the same time not realizing just how much I was struggling with the same issues at home.  I consider myself a firm but reasonable parent.  And yet even though I try to be this parent to my daughter, no amount of discipline, positive rewards, behavioral systems, seemed to have any impact on her bad behavior (when she was displaying it).

The hands down worst part about has been the inconsistency of the whole experience.  One day she'd be Dr. Jeckll and another she'd be Mrs. Hyde.  And it wasn't even daily, it might be a few weeks one way, and a few weeks the other.  I can pinpoint the last time we had things under control.  Easter.  Since then it has been one thing after another at varying degrees.  And I had all the excuses under the sun:  "I just returned to work", "Her brother had pneumonia and was in the hospital", "we had to put our cat to sleep", "it's the summer and her routine has changed".  In retrospect it was even longer than that, before then it was things like:  "She's adjusting to me being pregnant", "She's adjusting to me LOOKING pregnant", "she's adjusting to me not being able to do as much because I'm VERY pregnant", "She's adjusting to having a sibling".  There was also an excuse in one way or another over the past 18 months.  And make no mistake, I think children do need to adjust to those things, and they are all major life changes.  But how she dealt with them seemed to at times be over the limit, and most of the time just borderline, but more often than not, it didn't seem within "normal" limits.

Now, in retrospect, I can't help but wonder just how many other children are impacted and varying levels.  I'll admit maybe not every child reacts as badly as my daughter does.  But I just find it hard to believe, when I look around, at all the Ritalin, at all the parents besides themselves over behavioral issues, I just can't believe that there isn't something in our food that is resulting in this.

Some additional information:
http://www.100daysofrealfood.com/2012/03/13/real-food-tips-7-reasons-i-hate-artificial-food-dyes/
http://www.allergykids.com/blog/serving-up-food-dyes-uk-style/
http://www.forbes.com/sites/rachelhennessey/2012/08/27/living-in-color-the-potential-dangers-of-artificial-dyes/
http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/childhood-adhd/food-dye-adhd
http://www.health.com/health/gallery/0,,20439038,00.html
http://www.cspinet.org/new/200806022.html

Two most surprising facts I've learned in the past week:
* The dye at one time used in infant Tylenol is not approved for use in food
* Florida oranges can have dye on their skin (CA, and AZ banned these dyes use)

I think I've probably exploded enough brains for today.  My daughter is asking very nicely and wonderfully that I come outside and play.  And I actually would like to join her.  Good luck.  Check your pantry!  Save your children

The Fridge is Packed

I still find it hard to believe that OUR house has all these nasty things in it.  As we pull in the driveway with a car filled with our finds from our weekly trip to the farmers market.  How is it, in a home, where my husband is working away in the kitchen to make coleslaw, pasta salad, and fruit salad, where when you open our refrigerator and it's packed to the brim with fresh produce, how is it that food was making my daughter sick.

Then I look at my daughter in the other room, curled up on her bed made of couch cushions, quietly coloring, while watching a tv show, and I know that no matter how hard it is to believe.  It is true.

Bedtime wasn't as successful last night, as it had been on the first night.  Although yesterday was a day where she was at daycare, so I can't be as confident of what she ate as when she's in our own care.  I'm interested to proceed through the weekend, and with her primary caregiver to see how she responds to continuing on our journey.  I do realize that she consumed yogurt and applesauce for breakfast yesterday, which she didn't have the day before when we were so successful.  We are avoiding them again today to see if we will have increased success.  Although last night wasn't as quick and successful as the night before, there was minimal hysteria, and it felt more like "normal" I just don't want to go to bed behavior.

Through starting our journey on the dye free diet, I have also stumbled across a program called the Feingold Diet.  Essentially a Dr., back in the 70s identified a very specific group of foods/additives that when eliminated from the diet of children with hyperactive behavior, resulted in the hyperactive behavior also disappearing.  It interested me.

"Hyperactivity can be triggered by synthetic additives - specifically synthetic colors, synthetic flavors and the preservatives BHA, BHT (and later TBHQ) - and also a group of foods containing a natural salicylate radical."

I was more fascinated as I read all of the symptoms that removing these foods could potentially resolve.  Behaviors, symptoms that every member of our family exhibits.  Not the same ones, but everyone of us exhibits one or more that this diet could treat.  We've decided to embark on this journey as a family.  If I don't think these things should be in her diet, why should I keep them in my diet.  So while we wait for our information and materials to arrive, we will keep avoiding food dyes.  And then we will begin removing all these unnatural chemicals and additives from our diets and hope that it will be a path to increased health and happiness for us all.

Eating Healthy

I should explain.  For those who know me well know that I don't keep juice in our house, you'll never find Soda unless it's leftover from entertaining.  Rarely you'll find a bag of potato chips.  We cook from scratch, 95% of the time.  I buy bulk meat, from a local farmer, so that I serve local primarily grass fed pasture raised beef and pork.  I try to buy the best quality chicken I can afford.  I nearly never ever buy cookies from the grocery store.  I made all my daughters baby food from scratch with organic ingredients, and I nursed her until past 6 months.

I tell you all of this, because even when you eat like this, and have this mind set, you can still find where it is creeping into your life.  Don't be like me, and think, "I eat healthy, so it can't be my diet".  The rare treat, or even the not so rare "healthy" product can be as deceptive and dangerous as all the junk food on the shelf.

I was honestly caught off guard by the response to my first post.  I wanted it to impact the lives of others, but  it seemed like just a dream.  And yet, as I continue to watch my daughter, and wait for bedtime, and hope for another successful night.  I am hopeful.

My daughter bounded up to my car when we all got home from work/school this evening.  She was covered in paint.  "Why are you covered in paint?"  response: "because I was painting.  I was painting fireworks, and they go high in the air, boom.  *waves arms in the air*."  I almost burst into tears.  She looked perplexed so I brushed it off.  And it perhaps seems silly to you.  But in the past 99% of responses were met with, "I don't know".  As though her words were caught deep inside her.

In retrospect I feel as though her mind was in fast forward, and she couldn't keep up with it enough in order to get the words out.  The number one identifying characteristics they say in a dye sensitivity, is the inconsistency of it all.  One day normal, the next day not.  Months abnormal, but weeks perfectly fine.  It's true.  I always thought the reason it got better was we were doing "something"right.  And then somehow, out of nowhere, instead of doing something "right" it would all go wrong.

In the times that things were "right", you could tell she was a maddeningly intelligent little girl.  Who proves at times to excel at many things, and to be wise, and smart beyond her small 3.5 years.  But in the times of wrong, it seemed nearly impossible to imagine the other little girl was in there at all.

In the past couple of days, her words are flowing.  She is articulate.  She is happy.  I suppose hoping for a repeat tonight of bedtime last night will be asking for a lot.  So I stay cautiously optimistic.  Stay tuned.  And please, if you ever look at your child, and think, what was in that ________.  Don't laugh and walk away.  Let the question linger, and consider the possibility that you're NOT crazy.  That there IS something in it.  And you CAN help them.

The beginning

I feel the need to write something.  Because I feel like my experience is that which could benefit other families/mothers/fathers/children.  Because quietly, for about 2.5 years, our family has been struggling with an unknown force in our lives.  It’s not something you talk about to a lot of people.  And frankly, it’s been so inconsistent it was hard to ever tell if it was “just” her age, if it was “just” too much sugar, if it was “just” what she was going through.  And the parents of a too smart precocious little girl doesn’t walk up to people say, “Hello, I think there is a problem with my child”.  But 5 days ago, something snapped.  It snapped in her, and it snapped in me, and frankly, it snapped in everyone in our house. 

After what has felt like weeks of inexplicable and uncontrollable behavior, my daughter sunk to a new low.  Behavior that seemed impossible to ignore.  In one 4 hour period, she threw a handful of toy cars at her brother.  Bit her father when he tried to discipline her.  Threw a boxed set of books against a wall and broke the box when she was getting a time out.  Deteriorated into a pile of tears, and rage because I thought she should go to bed at her bedtime.  And resorted to throwing books at me, and kicking, screaming and flailing.  I sat on the top step outside her room, and cried.  I was exhausted.  I didn’t know what to do for her.  I could see the rage in her little eyes, and it just didn’t feel normal.  I was done being convinced it was normal for her age and making up excuses. 
I was done being convinced she was adjusting to a change in her life.  I was just done.

 The next day, as any parent in this day and age of the Internet does, I started to search the Internet.  I can’t tell you how, or why I zoned in on it, but I began to identify food dyes as a possible cause to her erratic horrible behavior.  And anxiously when I got home from work, I started looking at things in the refrigerator.  We eat very responsibly, we don’t keep unhealthy foods in the house.  We don’t have potato chips, or bags of cookies.  So it seemed impossible that something could be in such high levels that it would be impacting her so drastically.  In fact my husband kept saying: but we eat well.  So I started searching.  And I was devastated at what I found.

Her yogurt.  She had insisted on a different kind, and sure enough, it was “low fat” with artificial sweeteners, and food dyes to boot.  Gone.  She and her caregiver make and eat Jell-O regularly.  It hadn’t seemed like an innocent enough treat, especially if I buy the sugar free variety.  Gone.  Jelly Beans that we had been working through since Easter, not a lot, one here, and one there, when she did something good.  Gone.  Her toothpaste.  Gone.  How could so much have creeped into our lives.  And still, plenty of children do these things, consume these things, and they seem fine.  Of course, we silently suffered, so who knows how many other parents silently suffer as well.

 Over the next couple of days, her behavior seemed worse, that’s when I searched again, and found out that it’s not abnormal.  Kind of like withdrawal from any other chemical dependency. 

Then something strange happened, the third day was a holiday, and with all the visitors, and parties, she didn’t eat particularly “well”.  But we stuck to NO dyes.  I’ll tell you what she ate that day, and the order which she ate it: homemade ice pop, blueberries, high end chocolate, blueberries, fruit ice pop, several pieces of sweet corn, cheese cake, ice cream, hamburger, bun.  That’s it.  I was a bit ashamed as I traced her food over the day.  What parent feeds their child that?  *shrug*  The amazing was as we got her ready for bed.  And she told us, she was tired.  She asked to be carried to bed, where she said she didn’t want stories, she just wanted to read in her bed.  She came downstairs once.  She wanted a flashlight.  She got it on her own, she went back to bed.  She read in her bed for another 20 mins.  Then shut off the flashlight.  And went to sleep.  This morning, when I went to wake her up, she wasn’t groggy, she was clear headed, she wanted to know what we were going to do, and was responsive to the things I asked her to do.

It’s hard to admit when your child feels like too much to handle.  When you have so many days where you don’t feel like you are filled with LIKE for your child.  You know you LOVE them, but you just don’t know what you’re doing right.  Or what you’re doing wrong.  Or how to help them.  I’m not telling this story because I need anything from anyone else.  I am telling this story because I truly fear that more children are impacted by the additives in their foods, as my daughter has been.  I fear that more parents out there accept, with sincere frustration that their child is just “strong willed”, “naturally hyper” and whatever else it is that we convince ourselves of so we can make it through the day.  It takes a toll.  On us.  On the child.  On the family.  I tell my story because if it makes even 1 parent stop and think, and try, and if it saves even 1 child from years of behavior beyond their control.  Then I will have made a difference.

I don’t think this journey is anywhere near done.  I think it is just the beginning.  I think it’s more complex, and will take more work than I yet appreciate or understand.  But for the first time, in years, I feel like there is light.  I am eager to get home from work and see who my little girl is today.  Because the joke, of El Diablo, was not much of a joke.  I can’t wait to share my journey, and hopefully help other parents and children who are similarly “possessed”, find out who they truly are, and what they are amazingly capable of once the evil has been removed from their lives.
R